December 2018 Newsletter

My life partner of 35 years died suddenly of a rip in his aorta while on a run in September of 2017. A good friend, whom The Healing Center had helped when her husband died, strongly suggested that I join the early Group. I’m glad she did.

By far, the most helpful thing about early group is sharing what’s going on and listening to others. Especially in the early months after the loss, so many people say things which we receive as hurtful (even though that is not the intention) or insensitive or preachy or full of bad advice or downright offensive. When those events are shared, everyone feels the support and understanding, even though it is most often unspoken. There is a lot of trust that develops quickly in the group. I found I was able to share feelings and events with the early group that I hadn’t shared with even my closest friends.

When hard times arise, I can hear certain people’s words of comfort and support, reminders that there is no clear time frame or process that this grief takes. We all navigate this path in our own way, in our own time, and that’s okay. Also, I hear the laughter. Life–even in its darkest moments– can be humorous. We all have laughed a lot through our tears.

Because of my personal circumstances, I’ve had to take charge of a huge clean-out process at my property. After nearly 15 months, we’re almost done. It’s been a lot of work and I feel a huge sense of accomplishment. This clean-out has meant getting rid of my sweetie’s “treasures” which he spent decades collecting. But I know Bill would want me to be happy and to have a good life after he’s gone, overall it feels really good. Now that the clean up is coming to a close, I can continue to figure out what my life will be like moving forward-a daunting but also exciting challenge.

My husband John died November 9, 2013. The last week of his life he was in hospice care at our home. After he died I knew I needed help. I signed up for a six-week bereavement group with Hospice. At the last session the facilitator passed out a list of other places to go for bereavement help, The Healing Center was included on the list. I looked at the website and decided this might be a place for me to go to receive additional support.

I attended the Early Group for about a year. It was so wonderful to be in a room of people who “got” it. The facilitators and co-facilitators were so understanding and caring. Those of us in the group could share our pain and as we went along, also share some laughter and new accomplishments as we went through our struggle.

After attending the Transitions group for a few months I knew I wanted to give back so I started volunteering. Nothing too major at first. I’d help at events and do some office work. Eventually, I realized that I wanted to give to others what was given to me by the co-facilitators during my time as a client. That’s when I asked if I could train to be a co-facilitator.

After attending the co-facilitators training, I participated in one of the client retreats. Eventually I started co-facilitating for the Adult General Loss and the Survivors of Suicide (SOS) groups. I continued volunteering at client and special events. I volunteered almost two years.

Five years is a long time to spend without your partner and the love of your life. John and I had many adventures. We were together for 34 years. I loved our life and our home in the Seattle area. After a while though I realized I was living our life alone and started wanting another adventure.

I have a dear friend that lives in the Houston area. I have visited her and her family many times over the years and I decided that I’d move to Crosby, TX. So far I am enjoying it. I bought a small home and I’m busily trying to get all my furnishings organized.

Without the help of all of the facilitators, co-facilitators, staff, and other volunteers, I would never have been strong enough to survive let alone make a big life decision to create a new adventure for myself. I’ve always believed the universe takes care of us and guides us if we allow it. I realize that I will never be the same person I was with John. I will always miss him and he will always be a part of the rest of my life. Being a part of The Healing Center, as a client and as a volunteer, helped me realize life goes on and I will be forever grateful.