THC SPOTLIGHT
Letter To The Healing Center Community
Many years ago, my grandparents sold the home they built in the 1950s to move into a retirement home. It was a move that needed to happen. My grandfather needed care for progressing dementia and my grandmother needed a home that required less maintenance. We had a family party in the last weeks they were there – one last gathering in a place that had meant so much to us. I still miss that house. I remember how it sounded and how it smelled. I remember the way the afternoon sun hit their patio. But mostly I remembered how I felt loved and cared for in that place. It was hard to say goodbye. Yet, change was required and they were so lucky to have a home to sell and resources to get the care they needed.
Last summer, The Healing Center had to make a similar change. The little house in the alley, where so many tears were shed and hearts found healing, was given up. When COVID sent groups online, it sat virtually empty for over a year and its limitations were becoming more evident. It wasn’t making sense to continue to pay for space we weren’t using. It was time. What was most unfortunate is that we weren’t able to gather for a last celebration and goodbye. One more thing that COVID has taken from our community and another grief we share. I hope those of you reading this who spent time in the house at 6409 ½ Roosevelt Ave continue to carry those healing memories – they are yours to keep.
As The Healing Center moves forward, we are considering how and when to offer in-person services – and most importantly, where to hold them! There is much to consider. Online services have broadened our reach to more people from a larger geographical area. Do we find a central space? Do we bring groups to regions of the greater Seattle area? How do we steward our limited resources to serve the most people we can? These are all things that leadership at The Healing Center is working through.
If you have thoughts about in-person services or memories to share about The Healing Center house, I would welcome them. Please reach out to me!
As always, take care of yourselves,
Sonja Whitaker, MS, LMFT
Center Director
The Healing Center
SPRING 2022
What we're reading...
“In The Grieving Brain, neuroscientist and psychologist Mary-Frances O’Connor, PhD, gives us a fascinating new window into one of the hallmark experiences of being human. O’Connor has devoted decades to researching the effects of grief on the brain, and in this book, she makes cutting-edge neuroscience accessible through her contagious enthusiasm, and guides us through how we encode love and grief. With love, our neurons help us form attachments to others; but, with loss, our brain must come to terms with where our loved ones went, or how to imagine a future that encompasses their absence.” – Harper Collins Publishing
“This book is written for anyone who is doing work with an intention to make the world more sustainable and hopeful—all in all, a better place…This book is a navigational tool for remembering that we have options at every step of our lives. We choose our own path. We can make a difference without suffering; we can do meaningful work in a way that works for us and for those we serve. We can enjoy the world and set it straight. We can leave a legacy that embodies our deepest wisdom and greatest gifts instead of one that is burdened with our struggles and despair.” – The Trauma Stewardship Institute.
WINTER 2020
Maygan Wurzer
A dear friend who lost his spouse let me know about your amazing organization. When my husband died just before Christmas, the start of the New Year was beyond imaginable. I was grateful to have a place to reach out that I knew would be of ‘help’ on my new path in life.
The people who work here – tirelessly! They make sure families, clients, and children have a warm, inviting space to come to — in order to be seen, feel heard, and supported. I’m inspired by the caring staff and look back on my time in groups with a lot of gratitude for the folks who work here. It is also a privilege to be remain connected to clients – now friends – whom I met at THC as we all navigated the early stages of grief together. I’m inspired by their resilience and the sense of community we have built with each other.
For me, having a weekly support group was incredibly meaningful – as it allowed me a chance to come up for air, connect with others in similar circumstances and realize I was doing the best I could. In that small living room, we were able to share anything that we felt and hold space for each other – it was a true gift and that allowed me to feel however I felt and then keep moving forward. The several retreats organized by clinicians were also super-valuable – as it allowed time and space to explore my grief further and connect with fellow group members over longer periods of time too. We are so fortunate for THC – and I believe I am thriving today because of the services I received.
It would be my hope that more people become aware of the power of THC and what incredible support it offers to people on the unwelcome journey through loss. Wouldn’t it be ‘great’ if everyone knew about THC and the connection people can find when they are brave enough to go? I think one of our biggest goals as we move forward, is to help convey the importance of mental health — it is inseparable from grief and loss – and one of the best ways to be mentally okay is to find a place that upholds everyone — wherever they are at — in that journey. The Healing Center IS that place – a safe community for children and adults to experience all that comes with the death of a loved one and still find ways to being ‘okay’ again. I am grateful to THC for allowing me an outlet for my grief and helping me (and my children) move forward in life.
SUMMER 2019
Jason Chu
January 1st, 2018 my wife, Alice, died of Triple Negative Breast Cancer. She was diagnosed as stage III September 2016. All of her treatments (mastectomy, chemo, and radiation) were completed May 5th 2017 and we were hopeful about her recovery. In July 2017, she had pain in her shoulder blades that was a tumor in her liver. We started chemo treatment again, but the cancer was too aggressive. After a trip to Disneyland in early December, she was enrolled in hospice care and died at home the evening of New Year’s Day.
Our son Lucas was 2-3 during her cancer and probably doesn’t remember a time when his mom wasn’t sick. He’s 4 now and we both went to The Healing Center looking for help through our grieving process.
Finding people who actually get it. Very few people truly understand what it’s like to have someone you love be with you one second, with all of the potential of the future stretching out ahead of you, and then the next second have all of it ripped away. When it happened to me I felt like one entire side of my body had been torn off and everything was exposed and raw to the world. Being able to just sit with a group of people who know that feeling is really helpful, even though none of us want anyone to ever feel that again.
My son, Lucas, benefits from Littles Group as well. He gets excited the whole week before group and loves every minute of being there. Afterwards he’s noticeably calmer and happier. We both regret it any time we miss a Littles Group!
Now that I’m more than a year out, I’ve been able to rebuild parts of my life. I still feel like I’m running close to capacity, but have some breathing room. I have learned that it’s ok to depend on other people sometimes. As I move to Transition Group, I’m interested to find ways to continue growing as new challenges arise in the coming years.
That each day comes with its own unique challenges. Some days will be easy and everything will go smoothly. Other days the big accomplishment is getting out of bed. I have learned to constantly remind myself of that and not be too self-critical when times are tough.
It’s also really helpful to remind myself that everyone grieves in their own way and time and there’s no wrong way to do it. Anyone who tells you otherwise should mind their own business.
I’ve been dating someone who really loves Lucas and has a son of her own! We’re working out how to build our lives together.
Now for the hard-hitting questions: What is Lucas’ favorite thing to do or thing to play with at The Healing Center?
Lucas loves playing doctor and cooking in the kitchen with his friends are The Healing Center.
SUMMER 2019
Jason Chu
January 1st, 2018 my wife, Alice, died of Triple Negative Breast Cancer. She was diagnosed as stage III September 2016. All of her treatments (mastectomy, chemo, and radiation) were completed May 5th 2017 and we were hopeful about her recovery. In July 2017, she had pain in her shoulder blades that was a tumor in her liver. We started chemo treatment again, but the cancer was too aggressive. After a trip to Disneyland in early December, she was enrolled in hospice care and died at home the evening of New Year’s Day.
Our son Lucas was 2-3 during her cancer and probably doesn’t remember a time when his mom wasn’t sick. He’s 4 now and we both went to The Healing Center looking for help through our grieving process.
Finding people who actually get it. Very few people truly understand what it’s like to have someone you love be with you one second, with all of the potential of the future stretching out ahead of you, and then the next second have all of it ripped away. When it happened to me I felt like one entire side of my body had been torn off and everything was exposed and raw to the world. Being able to just sit with a group of people who know that feeling is really helpful, even though none of us want anyone to ever feel that again.
My son, Lucas, benefits from Littles Group as well. He gets excited the whole week before group and loves every minute of being there. Afterwards he’s noticeably calmer and happier. We both regret it any time we miss a Littles Group!
Now that I’m more than a year out, I’ve been able to rebuild parts of my life. I still feel like I’m running close to capacity, but have some breathing room. I have learned that it’s ok to depend on other people sometimes. As I move to Transition Group, I’m interested to find ways to continue growing as new challenges arise in the coming years.
That each day comes with its own unique challenges. Some days will be easy and everything will go smoothly. Other days the big accomplishment is getting out of bed. I have learned to constantly remind myself of that and not be too self-critical when times are tough.
It’s also really helpful to remind myself that everyone grieves in their own way and time and there’s no wrong way to do it. Anyone who tells you otherwise should mind their own business.
I’ve been dating someone who really loves Lucas and has a son of her own! We’re working out how to build our lives together.
Now for the hard-hitting questions: What is Lucas’ favorite thing to do or thing to play with at The Healing Center?
Lucas loves playing doctor and cooking in the kitchen with his friends are The Healing Center.
FALL 2019
Karen Fite
My partner of 40 year (and wife of three years!) died of cancer in April of 2018. Niki was 79 when she died. We had a strong, deeply loving, extremely honest relationship and I was left with no “if onlys” or regrets. I was just left with sadness so deep and disorientation so profound that I was shocked by it. I continue to be. Before I arrived at The Healing Center I was reading books about grief and realized that there was so much more to this experience than I had known. I had experienced deaths of people close to me–but I had had Niki to help me through. Losing a partner after so long a time was indescribable. Awful. Profound. Unbearable–but there was nothing to do but bear it.
We had the help of Evergreen Hospice and they sent me information about bereavement groups they offered. They had one for gay and lesbian people who had lost their partners, so I signed up for that, but then there were not enough people enrolled. When they called to tell me that group was cancelled, I asked if there were any groups that were closer to home than Bellevue, and they mentioned The Healing Center to me.
At the time, I thought I was doing well–but thought Niki would like me to go to a group for a bit. Niki was a wonderful child and family therapist. When she was dying, I promised her that I would be okay. So for Niki, and because suddenly I didn’t really have anything much to do, and because I was curious, I went for an intake at The Healing Center! The intake therapist I met with was gay and I thought that was nice. Talking with him and crying my way through an interview I realized that perhaps I did need a little help! I was sorry there was no gay and lesbian group but decided to just join with the group for older people who had lost spouses/partners.
The most important thing about The Healing Center is sharing experiences with others in my group. They are people I can laugh and cry with, people who also didn’t know what to do with the shoes left behind, people I can talk with about the household responsibilities that each of us now shoulders alone, and the feelings of craziness, emptiness, disorientation and lack of purpose. As Megan Devine says – it was my tribe. It didn’t matter whether we were gay or lesbian or straight. We were all in this together and the experience was so extreme and so profound that it transcended all kinds of difference. I have come to love and feel deeply connected to the people in my group. I never anticipated the depth of these connections, the friendships that would arise, or how important each group meeting would become to me. The world is divided into those who know and those who don’t or don’t yet know. I have many wonderful friends among those who don’t yet know, but having my tribe here at The Healing Center is essential to me. I want to mention how important Mary Jackson has been — throughout the changes in therapists she has been an anchor for me and for the group – and has inspired me to think about becoming a volunteer at The Healing Center.
FALL 2019
Karen Fite
My partner of 40 year (and wife of three years!) died of cancer in April of 2018. Niki was 79 when she died. We had a strong, deeply loving, extremely honest relationship and I was left with no “if onlys” or regrets. I was just left with sadness so deep and disorientation so profound that I was shocked by it. I continue to be. Before I arrived at The Healing Center I was reading books about grief and realized that there was so much more to this experience than I had known. I had experienced deaths of people close to me–but I had had Niki to help me through. Losing a partner after so long a time was indescribable. Awful. Profound. Unbearable–but there was nothing to do but bear it.
We had the help of Evergreen Hospice and they sent me information about bereavement groups they offered. They had one for gay and lesbian people who had lost their partners, so I signed up for that, but then there were not enough people enrolled. When they called to tell me that group was cancelled, I asked if there were any groups that were closer to home than Bellevue, and they mentioned The Healing Center to me.
At the time, I thought I was doing well–but thought Niki would like me to go to a group for a bit. Niki was a wonderful child and family therapist. When she was dying, I promised her that I would be okay. So for Niki, and because suddenly I didn’t really have anything much to do, and because I was curious, I went for an intake at The Healing Center! The intake therapist I met with was gay and I thought that was nice. Talking with him and crying my way through an interview I realized that perhaps I did need a little help! I was sorry there was no gay and lesbian group but decided to just join with the group for older people who had lost spouses/partners.
The most important thing about The Healing Center is sharing experiences with others in my group. They are people I can laugh and cry with, people who also didn’t know what to do with the shoes left behind, people I can talk with about the household responsibilities that each of us now shoulders alone, and the feelings of craziness, emptiness, disorientation and lack of purpose. As Megan Devine says – it was my tribe. It didn’t matter whether we were gay or lesbian or straight. We were all in this together and the experience was so extreme and so profound that it transcended all kinds of difference. I have come to love and feel deeply connected to the people in my group. I never anticipated the depth of these connections, the friendships that would arise, or how important each group meeting would become to me. The world is divided into those who know and those who don’t or don’t yet know. I have many wonderful friends among those who don’t yet know, but having my tribe here at The Healing Center is essential to me. I want to mention how important Mary Jackson has been — throughout the changes in therapists she has been an anchor for me and for the group – and has inspired me to think about becoming a volunteer at The Healing Center.
